The dust has settled. The names have been called. And the rosters are locked.
What started as a chaotic, anything-can-happen draft has officially turned into 17 squads of hardened HIM ready to throw down at the 2026 F3 Naperville Lincoln Games. Every pick tells a story—strategic grabs, surprise reaches, and a few “how did he fall that far?” moments.
This isn’t just a list. It’s the blueprint for a week of competition, camaraderie, and controlled chaos.
🔥 The Headlines
Depth matters: Several teams stacked late rounds with serious value (looking at you Pack Mule Syndicate and Scrub Club).
Veteran anchors went early: No surprise seeing names like Greatest Showman, Dead Air, Hank Hill, and LOJA go in Round 1.
Mystery picks & wildcards: A few open slots and affiliate adds (👀 F3 Plainfield and King’s Den) could swing entire events.
Balanced vs Boom-or-Bust: Some captains drafted steady grinders, others went full send on high-variance chaos agents.
🧱 Team Breakdowns
Beats & Bricks (Captain: DJ Khaos)
A strong top-to-bottom lineup anchored by Greatest Showman and Black Ice. This team feels balanced with just enough edge to get dangerous late in the week.
🦬 Blacktop Bison (Captain: Wing Stop)
Dead Air and Steamboat Willie set the tone early. A team that looks methodical—but don’t sleep on their ability to grind out points across all events.
🧱 Block Squad (Captain: JLo)
Hank Hill leads a squad full of consistent performers. This team may not be flashy, but they could quietly rack up points every single day.
🦊 Charlie Fox Trot (Captain: Grounds Crew)
LOJA and Rain Man headline a squad that screams endurance and discipline. Built for long-haul events.
💀 Dukes of the Gloom (Captain: Duke of Earl)
An intimidating mix of grit and chaos. Morphine through No Scrubs is a lineup that could either dominate—or completely derail in spectacular fashion.
🛣️ Elway or the Highway (Captain: Elway)
A well-rounded squad with Parks and Rec and Fargo up front. Watch for consistency here—but that open “Software” slot could be a wildcard.
✋ Fingered Spirits (Captain: Spirit Fingers)
A sneaky-deep team. Tinactin, Othello, and Hacksaw give this roster real staying power across multiple disciplines.
📡 In-Network Nightmares (Captain: Copay)
A true wildcard squad. A few unconventional picks and an open slot could make this team unpredictable in the best (or worst) way.
🏴 NWO (Captain: C-Bus)
Olaf leads a strong core with solid mid-round depth. This team feels like a classic “peaks at the right time” contender.
🫏 Pack Mule Syndicate (Captain: Donkey)
One of the deepest rosters in the field with 11 picks. Built to endure. Built to outlast. Don’t expect them to fade.
🧼 Scrub Club (Captain: Squeaky Clean)
Another deep squad with 11 guys. Liar Liar leads a team that could surprise people with consistency across all events.
🎸 Steel Strummers (Captain: Ukulele)
A mix of steady hands and a few wildcards—including an affiliate add. This team could swing big depending on performance variance.
👶 Strongest Babies Ever (Captain: BabyHands)
Don’t let the name fool you—this squad has serious muscle. Mortimer and Goldberg headline a physically imposing group.
🏛️ The Council (Captain: Marriage Counselor)
Veteran presence across the board. This team looks calculated, experienced, and built for strategic point accumulation.
🚐 The Cruisers (Captain: Cousin Eddie)
Featuring Stay-Puft in Round 2, this squad brings personality and punch. A well-balanced group with solid middle-round value.
🪤 Trap Pack (Captain: Mousetrap)
A gritty lineup with no fear of the grind. Dumpster Fire to Yonkers could be the kind of chaos stretch that wins events.
🐾 You’re My Boy Blue (Captain: Blues Clues)
An interesting mix of high performers and unknowns. A couple of open/late picks could make or break this squad.
🏁 Final Thoughts
The Chaos Draft delivered exactly what it promised—chaos.
No clear favorite. No obvious bottom. Just 17 teams packed with men ready to push themselves and each other for a full week of competition.
The Lincoln Games aren’t won on paper—but if they were, this might be the most evenly matched field yet.
Now the only thing left to do…
Show up. Put in the work. And earn it.
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