Circle of Trust

For my COT today, I want to talk about the idea of mission.   Mission is defined as an important goal or purpose that is accomplished by strong conviction.  I never put much thought to what my purpose until last fall/winter.  I was just taking it each day at a time, getting through the crap that was thrown in my way, I was existing, I was depressed.  I was struggling to deal with the over a decade of emotional abuse from my first marriage and was in trying to make a rebound marriage work that was a mistake.  I hated my life and couldn’t fathom the idea of a purpose greater than myself just making it through the day.  I found F3 in Aug 2020 and it was the last piece that helped me finally let go and forgive my ex wife for the years of abuse and infidelity.   And then I realized that my rebound marriage would not work.  We had nothing in common other than we both had really crappy first marriages and she hadn’t dealt with it yet.  Making it work takes both people.  She constantly would try to bring me down to her level of unhappiness putting down whatever was making me happy.  I finally filed for divorce after over three years of hell.  We slept in separate rooms almost the whole time, hell we only were intimate like three times during the marriage not even on the wedding night.  She basically just wanted me for the financial security I provided.  A week or two after I filed for divorce, I received the frantic call to get to my parents house.  My Dad had passed away after a massive heart attack that morning while working actually operating an excavator.  He was an excavating contractor for 50+ years.

I was closest with my Dad out of any of my family.  We would talk to and from work.  We would meet most mornings for a quick cup of coffee on my way to work.  We would meet for lunch regularly during the week.  I could talk to him about anything especially for the last 10 years during my hell dealing with my relationship issues and continuous court battles with my first ex wife.  Whenever I was hurting or didn’t know what to do, I would turn to him for advice.  Now he was gone.

I was at the brink and almost gave in.  About a week after it happened, I hit complete bottom.  Failed second marriage, not happy at work, and now he was gone.  I let the depression take over and came so close to ending my life one late afternoon.  I shook myself out of it somehow.  I don’t know if he was still somehow watching over me and helped me.  I don’t know.  I decided then and there I was getting through this.  I reached out to several of my F3 brothers and talked and shared.  I took it baby steps and a day at a time.  I did not miss a workout for 4 months.  I talked with my counselor, my friends and I worked through the things behind my depression and became emotionally healthy.  I began the journey of rediscovering myself.  During this journey, I have realized my mission, my purpose.  I want to help others who are dealing with their own personal hells.  We are never alone.  That is the biggest thing I learned.  This is why I share so openly in my COTs.  I have had F3 brothers reach out to me who can relate to my experiences and we talk, get lunch, grab a beer, and I am there letting them know that they are not alone and that they will get through this.

My challenge to you is to be aware of those around you daily.  You never know what they are going through.  If someone seems a little off, reach out.  You might save their life simply by giving them the gift of empathy and showing them that they are never alone.

Aye?

F3 is not a religious organization but we will end in a prayer.  You’re welcome to join or take a minute to connect with your sky Q.  Are there an intentions we can acknowledge?