03/04/2021 - Black Panther - Western Regional Intercontinental Tire Throwing and Swimsuit Competition Championship
AO: Black Panther
When: 03/04/2021
PAX:
Number of Pax: 9
Pax Names: Bean Counter, Crambone, Flo, Mr. Nice Guy, One Bar, Pork Rinds, Sick Cheney, Sweeney Todd, Tiny Dancer,
DR Names: N/A
Number of FNGS: 0
FNG Names: N/A
QIC: Nacho Libre
Introduction
Mr. Nice Guy and myself traveled from beyond the horizon in order to be a part of this kick a$$ AO this morning. We both pulled into the parking lot at with over 10 minutes to spare, excited and ready to get to work. Unfortunately, we were by ourselves. . . and remained that way for much longer than we anticipated. Looking into the distance, Mr. Nice Guy spotted some headlights so we zoomed off to join them. Unable to still find an entrance, we just put our vehicles in park (directly in front of the “No Parking” sign I might add) and started off across a field to join the rest. Like true HIMS, they were already in a mosey to meet these two wandering travelers. Having finally connected, I appreciated that we got in a little extra mosey as part of our warm a rama and got down to business.
I broke out the infamous “brass section only” music mix this morning as I think only Flo had heard this nonsense before. Starting temp was around 30 but without ice and snow if felt like 72 degrees with a gentle ocean breeze. As I re-read that last statement, I understand how ridiculous it might sound to an outsider but men of F3 totally get it.
Warm-O-Rama
We began with the aforementioned impromptu mosey followed by 15 of the following in cadence: Abe Vigoda’s, Tappy Taps, Arm Circles forward, backward, seal claps, and overhead claps.
The Thang
Thang 1 – Tower of Power
7 rounds, increasing one exercise and one rep per round, hill run up and down between each round
Round 1 – 1 burpee
Round 2 – 2 burpee, 2 Merkins
Round 3 – 3 burpee, 3 Merkins, 3 squats
Round 4 – 4 burpee, 4 Merkins, 4 squats, 4 lunges per leg with coupon
Round 5 – 5 burpee, 5 Merkins, 5 squats, 5 lunges per leg with coupon, 5 1 arm chest press each arm
Round 6 – 6 burpee, 6 Merkins, 6 squats, 6 lunges per leg with coupon, 6 1 arm chest press each arm, 6 1 arm curls per arm
Round 7 – 7 burpee, 7 Merkins, 7squats, 7 lunges per leg with coupon, 7 1 arm chest press each arm, 7 1 arm curls per arm, 7 monkey humpers
Thang 2 – Merkin Pyramid
Q does 1, PAX do 1; Q2 does 2, PAX do 2; Q does 3, PAX do 3, all the way to 10 and then all the way back down. I do this a lot when I Q because it allows you to focus on good form while still doing 100 merkins in just a couple of minutes.
Thang 3 – Western Regional Intercontinental Tire Throwing and Swimsuit Competition Championship*
*due to time constraints the bathing suit portion of the competition was cut
Each HIM lines up and does his best to throw a tire as far as possible discuss style. Top 3 finishers face off in championship round. Results will be posted in the Naked-Man-Moleskin
Circle of Trust
Second Act –
It is wonderful to see how many HIMS have joined F3 and, with a serious commitment to working hard, have transformed their bodies and minds in such an immediate manner. F3 is littered with stories of sad clowns who show up on a Monday because a friend dragged them out only to end up going 5-6 times a week and dropping 50 lbs in their first year, running their first 10K, setting a personal merkin record, etc. It is not an exaggeration to say that this happens often.
As much as I love to see this and how incredibly important it is to those HIMS, their families, and communities, I have to tip my hat to those that have a 2nd act. What is more impressive than a HIM who works his tail off for 6 months or a year, finds himself in a better place than when he was 10 years younger, but then looks himself in the mirror and says, “What’s next?” I’ve seen the results of 75 Hard and what that has done to Baby Hands, Reunite, Wine in a Box, At At, and the like as they reach that next gear. I’ve witnessed those 3rd F Men like Ronda Rousey, Cousin Eddie, Uncle Rico, Belichek, etc. feed a community and then decided that they can feed another one as well. I’ve seen Hootie, House Arrest, Catfish Hunter, and the rest build stronger and stronger bonds by pushing us beyond our limits through OCR.
I could go on for an hour about the those that have taken what F3 offered, got better, and then demanded more of themselves. Unfortunately, I could probably go on for an hour about those that got better and then stopped, content with themselves. If I’m being honest, I’m more like the latter than the former and I’m no longer ok with that. As you pull yourself out of bed at 4:30 AM again this week, take a moment, look in a mirror, and ask yourself, “What’s next?”. I definitely will.
Naked Man Moleskin
The joy of experiencing new AO’s is never lost on me. Pre-pandemic, I found myself traveling a lot and posting down range in a number of different states. The land might look a little different or the accents a little harder to understand but the sense of community always remained the same. Since I can’t travel at this time, I try to make sure I still get that great feeling by visiting AO’s that I have neglected that are here locally. Today was no different. Today was awesome. Thank you, Black Panther!
Crambone – One of my favorite F3 names of all time. All I could think about is that tough, guitar playing, cowboy mouse in Tom and Jerry named Crambone who, despite his size, just tosses cats left and right. After watching him toss that tire around, I see why the nickname is so fitting.
Sick Cheney – I think I screwed up his name 5 times and what I should have done is just called him “sir”. Cheney is just another in an ever growing line of over 50 “respect” PAX who can throw you through a wall. Oh, you don’t think that’s true? That’s cool but you are completely wrong. Seriously, I felt like I was talking to Lee Marvin in the Dirty Dozen.
Tiny Dancer – When I put on my music, Tiny Dancer looked at me in the same way I looked at my Grandfather when he would play Cab Calloway big band records. And just for Tiny Dancer’s clarity, a record is something you used to have to buy to hear music. Seriously, this PAX is 19 and doing all this? At 19 I was proud of myself for not having pissed my pants after shot gunning malt liquor in a forest preserve. You are well ahead of the curve and an extremely impressive Dude.
Flo – My old buddy from Citadel! Thanks for graciously hosting me again in unfamiliar surroundings. For a guy who doesn’t say much, you sure leave a huge impression. I think I might need to take a page out of your book.
Bean Counter – So this is the Bean Counter of Virtousity fame! It’s one thing to go hard when your chasing some other idiot in-person in the dark at 5:15 but to do that by yourself shows a real commitment to excellence. It was a pleasure working out with you today and I was so impressed by your push. Glad to have you out with us.
Sweeney Todd – Let me spin a little yarn about my old friend Sweeney Todd. Some months back, I show up to a DT workout and have to run sprints. To make it worse, we have to race someone. Nacho’s don’t run so I was looking for a gimme. Looking around, I see this slightly shy, overweight, new HIM and think, that’s my huckleberry. Sweeney Todd destroyed me so thoroughly that it is burned into my brain. I’m not talking like he got me by a step or two. I mean, he was waiting for me at the finish line and encouraging me like I was a 6 year old on a soccer field, “you can do it little buddy!”. I knew that day that this PAX had a great story coming and he hasn’t let me down. I can’t even fathom how much weight he has lost or how horribly he would beat me now in a race. Congrats, Sweeney Todd, you are doing awesome.
1 Bar – More to come on this package of dynamite. See Tire Throwing section below.
Pork Rinds – Pork Rinds plays every bit the part of an outstanding Site Q. Protective of his space but eager to help, he made it clear that we were here to work. Throw in the fact that we have both been to a Mighty Mighty Bostones concert and willing to admit it and I found myself with a kindred spirit. Now, here is your reward for reading this far into an incredibly long BB – this guy hands out packs of bacon after the workout! That was awesome and damn that merkin form looked strong! Thanks again for the help and the pork.
Mr. Nice Guy – Are you kidding me?! I’m so glad that they named you Mr. Nice Guy because you are truly the nicest guy. Thank you for heading out with me today on our first forays into the Black Panther. More importantly than just showing up, thank you for your leadership. First guy up the hill every time, encouraging everyone around your, outstanding mumble chatter, and I even think you kind of liked my play list. If you don’t know Mr. Nice Guy, get to know Mr. Nice Guy. You’re welcome in advance.
A final note on the PAX who came out today, that was some of the best form I’ve seen from any AO. The squats were deep, merkins locked out, and curls lacked momentum. That was really impressive and that’s coming from a complete form douche bag.
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for! Despite a valiant effort from 3rd place finisher Flo and 2nd place finisher Sick Cheney, our Western Regional Intercontinental Tire Throwing and Swimsuit Competition Champion is . . . 1 BAR!!!!!!!!!! This dude crushed it today! 1 Bar slides up to the line all coy and unassuming. He looks at the tire like, “What is this strange object? Am I to propel it through the air?” Then he just puts a hurtin’ on that bad boy and takes the cake in both rounds. I was so damn impressed by his throws that I would put some serious money on his chances to win the whole damn thing. Great job 1 Bar, despite Sweeney Todd accusing you of sandbagging it on the hill so you could win the tire throwing, you really brought it all day. Congratulations, Champ.
The finals will now consist of Baby Hands, Blues Clues, Buttermaker, Blue Prints, Patchouli, and 1 Bar! The final opportunity to punch your ticket comes this Saturday at Dark Tower.