05/28/2021 - The Bear - 80’s training montage only the main characters are all old and annoyed
AO: The Bear
When: 05/28/2021
PAX:
Number of Pax: 11
Pax Names: Baywatch, Cage Free, Chazz, Glass Joe, Goldberg, Mr. Nice Guy, Riunite, Sputnik, Urban Cowboy,
DR Names:
Number of FNGS: 0
FNG Names: Jaw Jaw Binks (not listed in the system)
QIC: Nacho Libre
Introduction
My initial plan was to have a whole day of screwing around pulling old fire hoses, throwing tires, and playing basketball. Because of the weather, it had to change in a hurry. I promised a light, pre-OCR training day and I really tried to do my best. Some might have thought it wasn’t enough while others thought it was too much pre-race day. Well, you get what you pay for and the mumblechatter game was on point!
Warm-O-Rama
Quick mosey out of the rain and under the picnic shelters
Motivators from 6 – I might be the worst at counting these of anyone in F3. Everything from small woodland creatures to jokes I might want to tell at a later time create distractions in my head which results in me typically going from 5 to 2 and not realizing it. I knew I was off every time I heard Mr. Nice Guy laugh. He laughed a lot.
Tappy Taps to 12
Abe Vigotas to 12
Arm stretches in front – 12 count
Arm Stretches over head – 12 count
The Thang
I couldn’t make up my mind on the number of reps so it was either called “Crazy 3’s” for the number of rounds or “Crazy 5’s” for the number of reps. Green jacket, gold jacket who gives a sh*t! What we did do was focus on form instead of a dumb number of reps. 5 merkins done correctly create more tension and strength than 50 merkins with bad form. Good form requires you to lower your entire body not just your neck, your chest touches the ground not your wiener, and your elbows lock all the way out. If you can’t do the reps using this from, go to your knees and do them. Forget about your pride and do it right or at least don’t Ron Burgundy brag, “I don’t know if you heard me. I did over a thousand.” The same goes for dips, squats, and lunges. Go all the way down and all the way up to lock out.
Round 1:
5 Renegade row merkins without weight – Do a merkin that simulate a row with each arm. That is 1 rep.
5 Bulgarian split squats per leg
10 bench dips
Run a loop around the park
Round 2:
10 renegade row merkins without weight
10 Bulgarian split squats per leg
15 bench dips
Run a loop around the park
Round 3:
15 renegade row merkins without weight
15 Bulgarian split squats per leg
20 bench dips
Mosey back to the parking lot
Instead of Mary, we focused on a whole lot of stretching. We got into poses that would make a yoga instructor blush. It felt good but looked even sexier.
Circle of Trust
WARNING – I will remove all of the language and topics that would not be considered PG for the sake of everyone who reads this post.
I went to pick up the OCR packets last night from that training gym in Plainfield. Holy Shi . . . (the following 7 minutes are redacted due to adult subject matter). . .
And with that, you should all be very proud of being out here today in the rain.
Let us pray. God help me to remember that I will face nothing today that you and I together can’t handle.
Naked Man Moleskin
The look on Jaw Jaw Binks’ face when Chazz started the Q source was priceless. Jaw Jaw was not familiar with Q Source and he was just waiting for us to initiate a blood oath or command him to turn over all his possessions. Jaw Jaw, as I promised, this is not a cult it just sounds like one some times. Q source is awesome and once you get past the vernacular, it’s really valuable information on leadership.
Cage Free has a continuous smile that gives off a “I’m happy to be here but I could totally snap and beat you all up if I choose but really I’m just happy to be here” vibe.
Urban Cowboy decided to take the day off until I sent him my preblast and then he got super excited and HC’ed. Then we did nothing I said we would do. Sorry about that UC, I owe you one.
An actual quote by me during Q Source: “There are only 3 things I know for sure. One, you can’t trust a word Patchouli says. Two, Ronda Rousey is very untrusty worthy. And three, Mr. Nice Guy hates Chazz.” These are the 3 most ridiculous lies I could possibly conjure and they make me laugh every time I say them. Unfortunately for all those involved, I love to laugh.
Glass Joe, I wish you well in your OCR like event of going to a baseball game and not getting so drunk that you have to leave by 4PM. God speed, son.
As we were standing in the pouring rain complaining about the 45 degree temperature, Goldberg told me that Riunite had been at the Bear training since 4 AM. I legitimately had to think about whether or not he was kidding. This dude’s commitment is off the charts.
I got the feeling that Sputnik wanted more and that Goldberg wanted less today. That seems right.
On a serious note, I want to personally thank Baywatch for stepping in to help out this past weekend. Many of us Iron Lion PAX are part of the St. Joan of Arc Catholic Church and School community. A tragedy befell one of our families as a father of 4 girls who attend SJA passed away unexpectedly. I don’t want to go into the details but Baby Hands got a group of us from SJA together to help them out for the day. At the last minute we needed to call in a final favor and Baywatch delivered. Thanks again, you are a true HIM.