Utilizing the scientifically proven HIIT methodology in conjunction with MICT or moderate intensity continuous training to synthesize an expected outcome using a random-effects meta analysis of the standardized mean difference in CVD risk factors was my initial thought with this workout. As I am sure you have all figured out, my ultimate goal eventually became the quest to increase VO2max (SMD= 0.44, 95% CI:0.037-0.851, P=0.032) in order to delineate between the subgroup of energy expenditure of . . . this is all just made up sh*t I found on the internet. Pat McNamara says the only reasons for working out are to improve quality of life as you age, to save yourself, to save someone else, or to kick someone’s ass. Great list but I would add one more and that’s to get a second look from your significant other. Beach season is right around the corner Gents, we were all about the glory muscles.
Motivators from 6, 15 tappy taps in cadence, arm circles foward/backward/seal claps/overhead claps/Moroccan disco dancers in cadence for 10 each
Thang 1 – We pulled fire hoses so feel free to insert your phallic jokes here.
Nacho Libre and Crambone drafted teams to compete in a fire hose pulling relay race. You had to pull a fire hose (you could only hold onto the nozzle so it dangled behind you) about 50 yards. Once you hit the 50 yard mark, you had to turn and pull the hose all the way in. The loser of the first heat had to do 3 Goldberg Penny Pinchers (1 armed clean and jerk with a a 35lb contraption that I brought with me). You then had to pull the hose back in the same manner. To a man, everyone agreed that it started off pretty easy but the second half was a killer. While you were waiting your turn to pull, we did sets of 10 merkins in cadence using different variations (regular, diamond, cross armed triceps, archer left, archer right, and rocking horse). Thanks to Uncle Rico for leading the merkins when it was time to pull.
Thang 2 – Crazy 5’s
5 reps of the following exercises followed by a mosey around the parking lot. After each round, you increase the reps by 5. We made it to round 4 or 20 reps per exercise.
5 curls, 5 reverse lunges (per leg) with a coupon on your shoulder, 5 squats, 5 overhead press, 5 merkins
Thang 3 (in place of Mary) – The Mrs. Sputnik Head to Toe Plank Indian Run
Everyone planks in a line but instead of shoulder to shoulder, we were head to toe. Last guy runs to the front of the line and resumes his plank and then the next person does the same and so on. We did this for 3 minutes or until Poison’s “Fallen Angel” was done. Sputnik’s wife told me about this exercise thus the name.
Ended with 3 minutes of stretching. I won’t go into the commentary but let’s just say it got weird during some of the pulsing.
Circle of Trust
I’ve been dealing with a pretty nasty case of hay fever over the last few weeks so my doctor recommend I get some of the more potent over the counter allergy medicine. For those of you unfamiliar with the process, you have to request this type of medicine from the pharmacist directly and sign a log. This is because the active ingredients used in these products are the same used in the manufacturing of meth. Learning this, I asked if their were any side effects of which I should be aware. The pharmacist explained that these types of allergy medications will act as a stimulant and that you should avoid taking them before bed. As a throw away comment while I was walking away, he added that those with ADD or ADHD will have the exact opposite results. I took a pill when I got home and fell asleep instantly and woke up 3.5 hours later. Shocking to all those who have ever met me, I can now only assume I have undiagnosed ADD or ADHD. Instantly, I began to think about all the issues I had in school and with the local authorities as I was growing up and linking it back to this potential issue. Then I thought to myself, I should go and get treated for this but then I forgot about it because I saw two ducks fighting in my yard and I began to invent a scenario in which they were attacking each other because they were in a love triangle and that this torrid affair would end only in murder! Wait . . . what was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, now I remember. Now before I go any further, I’m not a doctor or even very bright so I am fully aware that my stance on anything in the mental health space is either going to be wrong, dangerous, or clinically insane. But I started to think about how my inability to concentrate on a single subject for too long could be a bit of a blessing. Because I have never able to remain focused on a single task for very long, I often find myself exploring random places, thoughts, ideas, etc. This was the inspiration behind going to the Black Panther multiple times in a week. What better way to get out of your comfortable routine than to go to the AO you have traveled to the least multiple times in a single week?
It’s about a 38 minute drive to Black Panther from my house which gave me a considerable amount of time to think, examine the world around me, spend time with new people, and just get out of my routine. The results were terrific. One morning I saw a hawk sitting on a lawn eating a squirrel. Another day found me in absolute awe of the largest car wash I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, I can’t stop thinking about that Delta Sonic on Ogden in Oswego. I might bring my family there on vacation. But most importantly, I got to hang out with a quality group of people and learn from their experiences and advise. Bottom line, I was a better father and husband this week because I got up a little bit early and spent time outside of my normal. I challenge each of you to try it as well.
Naked Man Moleskin
Thoughts on my week at Black Panther:
- On Wednesday, Mr. Nice Guy got to BP early so he could find a nice dry spot to do Mary. Their had been a lot of rain this week so he wanted to make sure we were comfortable driving home. He truly is the nicest guy.
- On Tuesday, Goldberg made me do big boys in a puddle. You can make your own assumption on him.
- I’m truly sorry I missed out on Sir Mix A Lot’s Q this week as the soccer theme looked like a ton of fun. Will definitely make it a point to get out to one of his in the future.
- Saw Milton and Parks and Rec doing an EC run Saturday morning as I was pulling into the BP parking lot. I slowed down and yelled something creepy about wanting to give these sexy boys a ride. They didn’t hear me but the startled dude running behind them did.
- Keep track of the site Q especially when he pulls out his phone to record video or take pictures. On Saturday, I caught Boxcutter getting ready to record and I popped into a perfect plank position for the first time that day. 5 seconds earlier I was shifting between doing a variation of downward dog and snow angels. Nothing better than looking good on the ‘gram.
- Dick Cheney has the best naming story of anyone I have met in F3. Simple and absolutely memorable.
- NL – How did you get your name?
- DC – Got shot in the face once.
- NL – (complete silence for 15 seconds) That’s . . . awesome!
- Mr. Nice Guy takes jumping rope quite literal. He uses an actual piece of cut rope. It was strange and sort of bad ass.
- Paper Tiger and Parks and Rec are two more 75 hard success stories. Their results are amazing. For anyone who wants to see a dramatic change, all I can say is that I know this system works.
- Great seeing Uncle Rico, Leuben, and my main man Townie on Saturday morning again. What a terrific surprise!
- Lewinski has a devious sense of humor that I appreciate quite a bit.
- My week ended in spectacular fashion Saturday at Coffeeteria. Never having been to down town Oswego before, Crambone and Toasted coconut were pretty insistent that I join everyone at Daily Grind Coffee. Everybody but Goldberg and Boxcutter were there by the time I strolled in. First of all, downtown Oswego rules. Judge Smails described it as Naperville 30 years ago and I think that is a perfect comparison. Second, the coffee at this Daily Grind place is the best I’ve had and the outdoor seating is awesome. Sure beats the hell out of swilling overpriced mud in the middle of a parking lot. No offence to overpriced mud or parking lots as both have their place in my heart. Third, as though things couldn’t get better, their had to be like 5 super hot ladies sitting in this place looking like they just finished their workout. The last good looking woman I saw at a Coffeeteria was a cop who came by to tell us we were being too loud while standing 100 yards from a train station. And finally, as I was sipping on my delicious coffee (courtesy of Crambone – thanks again for buying), sharing plenty of laughs, and creepily eye balling that group of workout gals, someone points out a bald eagle swooping down by the Fox river! I just got up and left on that high note. Thanks again BP regulars and eastside travelers. This was a great experience.