01/28/2021 - Holy Hill - THE LAST OFFICIAL HOLY DANCE!


As YHC lay in bed gazing out my bedroom window on the eve of Holy Hill’s final dance, with a clear view of the cross lit up and glowing, so many thoughts filled my head.  Memories of beatdowns, FNGs, moments shared, COTs. Will I be good enough there one last time?…will I do right by HH?…as it has done right by us.  I couldn’t help but see the glow of the light taunting me. Almost as if the cross was speaking to me;

whispering, “psst…hey….pssst….psssssst…hey!  Ya you…Appletini. You were my first love. We have something special. There have been others, but you are my favorite. You were the one that really understood how to use me. You moved about my AO with such command, such vigor. We’ve had some good times you and I. So don’t fret my dear friend. It’s only right that you be the one that says goodbye.  But just remember my words, as we close out this chapter. It’s been a great run. We have grown so much together. We have shared so much with so many great PAX.  Now it’s time to say goodbye, for now. So please… please… do me this one favor…………………….. DON’T FUCK THIS UP!” 

But YHC was prepared.  So as I woke early ITG, I strapped up with confidence that this morning was going to be EPIC.  So I sent the BAT signal down the road to the one and only FIB, (the Robin to my Batman if you will, the Goose to my Maverick, the Murtaugh to my Riggs, the Tubbs to my Crockett..but I digress) he knew what that meant.  There was snow on the ground, the sleds were gassed up, and it was time to RIDE one last time.  So at 0440 we fired up the Yamahas, woke up the neighbors, pissed off my M, and laid fire as we rode to Holy Hill as we have in the past.  We circled the grounds like sharks taunting its prey.

Conditions:  1 degree, dark, cloudy, light wind coming in from the Northeast with nothing but pure excitement in the air.

0455 – Parked the rockets, set the watch to HIIT workout, fist bumps all over, PAX coming in from all AOs North, South, East, and West.  Had a quick convo with my guy Lewinsky to make sure he kept me on time and knew the plan.

0500 – Circled up…. YHC yelled out the 5 Core Principles of F3

  1. Free of charge.
  2. Open to all men. 
  3. Held outdoors rain or shine, heat or cold. 
  4. Peer led in a rotating fashion with no training or certifications. 
  5. Ends in a Circle of Trust

Disclaimer was given…..  LLLLEEEEEEGO!


The PAX dropped their coupons where they circled up… and we moseyed.  1 big lap around the parking lot. Made our way back to grab our coupons… threw them over our shoulder and moseyed to the big open field top drop off the coupons.  Then continued to mosey as an ARMY to the small hill with the cross on it.  Circled up in a BIG circle and continued on with WOR…

  • Motivators from 12 IC  – there was some mumble chatter on slack on the over/under on how many there would be… as you know…motivators is one of YHCs favorite exercise.  
  • Alternating Shoulder Taps – 25 IC 
  • Tappy Taps – 20 IC 
  • Squat Series – Feet together 10 IC,  Regular 10 IC, Wide Toes out 10 IC.

Lewinsky called out 0515!!… and YHC was pleased as we were warm and moving right along

The Thang

THANG 1:  Polar Bear Mountain – 11’s. 

OYO – PAX start out at the base of the hill.  Perform one Foxhole (WW1 situp, flip, Merkin = 1), Bear Crawl up to the top of the hill, Perform 10 Apollo Creed Blockees (one armed burpee with a coupon overhead press =1), then crawl bear down back to the base of the hill… 2 Foxholes Bear Crawl up…9 Apollo Creed Blockees..Crawl Bear down… rinse and repeat until you are at 10 Foxholes and 1 ACBs.

QIC moved around the hill a bit and tried to get a sense for the motivation going on.  I tried to spend a little time on each side of the hill working out with different PAX.  I think too often we get so caught up (myself included) with being first, or just not being last, we miss out on opportunities to push guys that are not in our little circle or AO gang.  So working out with some BP guys, IL, DT, Complex, etc… boys gets me motivated and hopefully motivates them too.  Cuz what the fuck else are we doing out here at 0500 when it’s 1 degree outside…Amirite…or Amirite??

Lewinsky yelled out 0527!  And so I had to modify the Thang a bit… moved from Bear Crawls and Crawl Bears to running up and down the hill.. We finished up and then moseyed to where we left the coupons and lined up shoulder to shoulder facing West in the big open field.

THANG 2: 1st and 10’s w/ coupons.  

10 cones were set up every 10 yards.  (a bit hard to see… Thank you Urkel for lighting up the last one. What would we ever do without you and all your fancy gadgets?? )

PAX have to Bear Crawl to the first cone (10yds) pulling their coupon by any means necessary.  When they arrive at the first cone. Perform 10 Merkins and 1 Blockee. Run to the end of the 10 cones and back to their coupon. Bear crawl w/ coupon to the 2nd cone (20yd line), Perform 9 Merkins, 2 Blockees…Rinse and repeat until they get to the 10th cone!  Most of the PAX were able to finish 9 cones before Lewinsky yelled out 0547!  A few BD regulars were able to finish and QIC noticed them starting to make their way back down the field with their snow covered coupons. Not sure who it was because it was dark and we were all like shadows in the night. Frozen Ninjas just sharpening our swords!

Time was ticking so it was time to wrap up this Thang up and so we threw our coupons on our shoulders and moseyed towards the BIG HILL for the grand finale. We dropped our coupons at the flags and sprinted up to the Big Cross that was lit up and speaking to me the night before. It was time to take this party home with a little 6MOM.

As we waited for the 6 and all the PAX to file up the hill… We went through a series of Planks… Side Left..Regular…Side Right.. Regular.. rinse and repeat.  It takes a minute for 63 hard mother fuckers to organize. LOL.

*now what YHC really wanted to do was Guantanamo (look it up if you don’t know what it is). Which used to be a crowd favorite at Holy Hill, but with 63 PAX, that could have taken 30 minutes, so as a responsible Q, I decided to call the audible and pull out some other options.  We circled up around the cross and overflowed down the rocks by the fire pit on top of the hill.  The hill was at maximum capacity and the energy was out of this world!! The PAX were ready to bring it home! 


  • Double Leg Lifts 25 IC
  • Dollys 25 IC
  • Happy Penguins 25 IC
  • Superman 20 IC
  • Swimmers 20 IC
  • Bear Toe Touches 20 IC

Recover. Recover. 

Circle of Trust

COR – 63 PAX showed up for the sunsetting of this kick ass AO! You guys ROCK!!!
NOR was completed by Lewinsky. No FNGs.

Prayers were requested for Anna Caroline, CC’s little foot problem, Rhonda Rousey’s mother, Carmen San Diego’s family, & Choppy’s Job hunt. All others were silently prayed for.

AAR was given!! Compliments were appreciated and improvements will be tweaked! Thanks fellas.
*see Onions.. AARs are not that bad. LOL.

Naked Man Moleskin

Oh geez…where do I even begin.  Let’s just say it was an honor to be called to Q the final time at Holy Hill. Our Nan’tan Roach Coach went back in the archives, down in the F3 Naperville vault buried deep in the underground tunnels beneath The Outpost, stepped over FIB’s old dusty Snowman suit, around the Oberweis Dairy cooler that Bob Ross used to bring, moved down the hallway past the picture of Captian Underpants with his cape and goggles on, had to crawl over the minivan that was used by the gang of “Reapers” that stole Foxburry’s (Old Black Panther) flag and held it ransom, nearly slipped on Handy Manny’s 40+ lbs of fat that he shed years ago as he went full on beast mode, and finally grabbed the F3 Naperville Book of Legends and Tales, blew the dust off, said a quick hello to ICBINB (since he has been hiding down there since early 2019), and opened it to see who kicked off HH’s first post and low and behold, little ole’ me.

So when I got the call and started thinking about the February 22nd, 2018 date opening of HH, which really was just a way we could increase the elevation a bit since OP doesn’t have a hill like that.  HH offered up a sand volleyball court, a big open field, Baseball diamonds, a BB court for suicide runs, and two different hills.  We thought, how cool would it be for us to do some kick ass IC counting on top of that hill around the cross all lit up at 0515 ITG??  What cool pictures, what cool videos it would make. We were so proud of them, as CommzQ I posted them all over social media. Even the Amber Fields FB page to try to indirectly get the word out to the lazy sacks that lived right there to come out and join us.  What I quickly failed to realize was that while our F3 Naperville region was starting to gain some social media hype and following, we just highlighted who the “crazy people screaming and yelling like some cult on top of the hill at 5am!” were.  As some Amber Field resident commented on our F3 Naperville FB page. LOL Didn’t see that one coming.   Oooops… I forgot how much of a loud mouth Urkel can be.  I’m always telling him to take it down a notch, but he is really hard headed.

We thought.. man how cool is this.. We have our second AO, let’s keep the ball rolling and open up another, and another, and another.  Why not… I mean Elmer Fudd was busy in his excel laboratory crunching numbers, looking at addresses, GEO Fencing the shit out every PAX and where they lived. So in a way HH was a springboard for us to realize that change was good and the guys responded well to mixing it up.  I’d be lying if I knew the exact order of all the AO’s but I’m sure someone can find that out. More importantly our Region’s early growth and success was because we were unafraid of change.  We did bug the shit out of our friends, neighbors, work colleagues, churches, etc… Hell we used to run up to people we saw working out at the same park and got all up in their personal space and invited them to workout with us. There were even times when FIB and I texted wives to ask “if their hubby’s can come out and play” to get rid of their bullshit excuse they kept using and blaming their family and kids for not showing up. LOL.   That shit was fun. For us anyway.

Back then it was like a standing appointment to see your boys.  No one wanted to miss a day because we wanted to hang with each other.  What crazy workout was FIB going to run us through today? What kind of arm sleeve was urkel gonna wear today? What stupid ass song was Crabgrass going to make us do push ups too? Was Coldcuts really going to make us run through 3 feet of snow?  How many J-LOs was Captain Underpants going to make us do today?  And God forbid you fartsack!!!  There was no slack channel to get called out on… one would wake up to take “one’s” kid to school to find out his car had the words “FARTSACKER” and “SHAME” all over the windows! LOL…

But that was the good shit! That was the stuff that our families all thought was insane.  But it’s exactly what idiots like us were searching for and something we needed.  We didn’t know how much damn fun it would be, and it spread like wildfire! It was freaking unbelievable…  I mean when a 64 year old man named Bob Ross is kicking your ass as Q on a regular basis…where else are you gonna find this kind carnival ride. It was and still is LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE!  To be honest I’ll never understand it, but I love the SHIT out of it.  We all have our stories of how we started and why we do it.  Some of us have spoken at COT’s and cried like babies and didn’t even see it coming.  When that shit happens.. you are hooked.  I don’t care how tough you are, how fast you can run a mile, how many merkins you can do, and how many gadgets you can actually wear during a workout (URKEL).  It’s because of each and every one of you guys, that F3 Naperville is the NUMBER 1 Region in the Country.  We are from all walks of life… some big, some small, some badass, some trying to be badass, some Democrat, some Republican, some old, some young. But when you are in a Bear Crawl position trying to get up a hill just to raise some stupid concrete block over your head 25 times, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, it sometimes feels like you are going to war together and that’s the shit that binds us.

Along the way we have been blessed to have some real leaders among leaders… taking 1st, 2nd, and 3rd F to a whole new level.  It has been awesome to witness. I’m sad to see HH officially leave our AO location’s directory, but I know that it will be used on “Field Trip” workouts, Black Diamonds, and more.  I am so looking forward to the Two Wolves AO, the story behind the name, and all the sweat that will be left in that park!  I had a kick ass time at this final workout and I’m thankful that I had 63 friends to share that with.  Let’s keep searching for that next Holy Hill to climb!

Run if you can, Walk if you have to, Crawl if you must.. but never give up!

Appletini – OUT!

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Nala

    well done Appletini. It was an honor to be at the Hill with you the last time.

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